Chronically Homesick!

It's been a roller coaster journey staying away from your home. It's not just the education that counts; it teaches you a lot of things. It provides you with fresh confidence, a new set of friends, a new city, new people, and new experiences, all of which contribute to a whole new life. But most importantly, it helps you realize what your home means to you. When you leave home, you don't just leave those four walls, but everything else as well, which you won't comprehend until you spend six months in those cramped hostel caves. It hits when you realize you won't be sleeping on that same bed, opening that window again, playing in this courtyard, watering these plants, studying in that corner, or spending time on the terrace watching birds and roaming around for fun. It will not be the same again! When you're scheduled to go, you expect to return. It's not just three years. When you leave, you want to explore the new city, enjoy your college life, and make your dream come true, but you don't realize what you'll be missing.

I couldn't understand why my mother was crying when she left me at the hostel for the first time. For me, it was the path to new prospects and a brighter future, but she knew, things would never be the same again. She understood that once her child had left for college, there was no turning back. This is what happens when students from less developed cities or areas leave home. Even I had tears in my eyes that night when I knew what was going to happen. It took me more than 7-8 days to come to terms with it, which I couldn't understand before.

No, it was certainly not for a few years. You are now about to graduate from a good college, after which you will go somewhere for a postgraduate course and a better job. You will never return to your native town. Now, those bags will just be moved from one location to another and not returned to their original location. You would now only go into that house for a few days during Diwali and summer, as we used to do when we visited our grandparents. That house is no longer your home, as it was back then.

You won't see the windows smashing in the heavy rainy season or the house floor getting cold in the winter, nor will you see your father hang a green curtain in the summer or take it down after the first rains. You won't be present for every festival's celebration, let alone the week-long preparations. Now your mother wants to cook all of your favourite dishes when you return home since she no longer has anyone to compliment her on that pav bhaji, nor does she have anyone to give her a headache for four days in order to cook that pav bhaji. She doesn't have somebody to chastise every morning for getting up early and making tiffin for you, which has been a regular part of her life for the past 14-15 years! Your father will no longer reprimand you for watching TV, as he used to do because there is no one to fight with him for the last 10 minutes of Ninja Hattori before his news bulletin. He wants you to go ride that same bike that was previously banned for you since he misses that voice of 'pls dad, one round till the grocery shop'. Everything changes! Absolutely everything!

Nonetheless, every cloud has a silver lining, leaving out teaches you a lot of things. The most important lesson is to make adjustments. I'm doing everything by myself. Now you don't have somebody to do your daily tasks for you. At home, someone would double-check your work, ask if you finished it, and ensure you ate your meals on schedule. But now, it's only you... It teaches you to appreciate, or at least recognize what is excellent. Acceptance for everything. It doesn't matter how horrible it is; you don't grumble about minor details anymore. Because you've mastered the skill of accepting. The ability to let go and share something. Nothing is yours here, whether you're sharing a room with other hostel guests or your own belongings. Everything has an owner, although this does not necessarily indicate who will utilize it. Adjusting to people who had a very different childhood than you, a different family history, a different feeling of financial position, a different upbringing, education, and a completely different way of thinking. Coming out of the shell, as it is frequently referred to, is the actual experience of leaving home because you had a fur blanket to protect you from the wind back then. But today, either you build it or learn to face the winds. Believe me, facing the breezes is also fun. You will fall, and you will have to stand up again, this time alone. But this will result in a new, more confident you. That sensitive child inside of you must say goodbye, and a new you must take over.

Most importantly, all of these experiences will help you understand the true worth of family, home, food, and love. The care that we received for 18 years of our lives is now lacking. When we are separated from individuals who care about us, we realize how important they are. It's challenging. It's difficult to endure when everything appears uninteresting and exhausting, and you just want to go home. You want to return to the life you intentionally left behind, and you're jealous of your localite friends. Now you start having thoughts like, "I wish this college was in my hometown"

Thoughts crawling in the mind and whatnot, but in the end, it is the fact that we must accept. As the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months, the homesickness becomes a quiet companion rather than a heavy burden. And what we can do, is just accept it.... 

- aditi